I’m a ‘sharent’ -loud and proud. That’s a parent that over shares *read BORES* on the kid front when it comes to social media.
For those who humour me, THANK YOU! For those who I’ve lost along the way, I don’t blame you. Pre-kids, I would have been the first to scout out that ‘hide from news feed’ button when yet ANOTHER baby pic or pre-schooler ‘LOL’ moment popped up. But it’s a mother’s, sometimes a father’s, curse – we can’t help it, honest! While pregnant, I swore I would never become THAT Facebook bore, but in time, it happened – the overly proud mother haze slowly descended. Now, while all my kid-free friends are tagging themselves in foreign sunny climes or snapping photos of fancy food in adult only restaurants, I’m snapping and sharing dozens of photos of my eldest’s unidentifiable artwork, lunch at Pizza Express, or my son’s first meeting with Mr Potato in Peppa Pig World. C’est la mummy-vie.
I envy those reserved parents who have social media self control – and simply marvel at those who are too cool for Facebook…are their phones still loaded with the same kind of goofy, cute baby photos? Do they still feel the urge to capture endless mundane mummy moments in their photo gallery for private consumption or selective sharing? Either way, I’m pretty sure all parents in the early years have taken and , if on social media, probably shared one, if not all, of the following photos. Am I right? And this doesn’t even touch upon first first birthday, first Christmas, first haircut etc….
How many have you ticked?
1)THE ‘EVICTION NOTICE’ SHOT aka ‘look how massive I am / ready to burst / get the f%$k out of me shot’.
2)THE ‘HE / SHE’S HERE’ SHOT – don’t you just HATE those mums that 10 mins after delivery can capture the perfect, glowing new parent picture? What witchcraft is that?! I looked like a red faced bloated squirrel on drugs. No filter could save me, so I don’t have a shareable new babe in arms picture – just ones of the new arrival. Sadly, my kids weren’t blessed with instant cuteness. C-section babies are so much prettier aren’t they? My kids looked positively FURIOUS about their squished journey down my canal. Can’t say I was too happy about it either.
3)THE ‘SAME SAME BUT DIFFERENT’ PHOTO – Posting a series of 15 almost identical photos of your little one, as you just can’t decide which is cutest. We’ve all done this at least once for our firstborn right? Cue eye-rolls and sighs from friends and family afar. This is the moment they know they’ve lost you to the haze….
4) THE FIRST SMILE / LAUGH – which to those without kids can be like an optical illusion image… you have to tilt your head a certain way, at a certain angle, to see the slightest sign of a smile …or a fart.
5) THE GENERIC BABY SLEEPING SHOT – I’ve dozens of these in my gallery. One is cute, but after that, even to a trained mothers eye, they all kinda look the same. You may be elated / in awe of your little ones ‘perfect’ sleepy resting face, but chances are, no one else cares outside your mum network…..only this network knows how SACRED nap time really is and that these pictures are really a declaration of temporary freeeeedom!
6)THE GENERIC MESSY FOOD FACE SHOT – the fact your baby has upgraded from milk and can now get food stuck to its face always seems worthy of a picture post right? I’ll take your picture of a slap up meal at Heston’s and raise you the remains of gnocchi on a 14 mth old!
7) THE QUIRKY T-SHIRT / WITTY BABY GROW SHOT – because you promised yourself you would dress your kid cool right…until you realised how expensive kids were in general and then promptly discovered a love of George @Asda…
8) THE SUNGLASSES SHOT – because that’s how parents at home get their kicks, ok!
9) THE ALCOHOL SHOT– see #8
10) THE FIRST DESIGNER SHOES SHOT – because things in micro-size are always cute, correct?
11) THE ‘MUM’S DRUNK’ SHOT – your nights out on the lash are so few and far between now, you treat a standard night out like a major life event. You need a whole new celebratory photo album to house all the excessive #mumsnightoff photos that you take. At last! Pictures you can share that don’t feature your baby ! Remember me? I used to be fun….Cue the next day social media posts re: suffering a hangover with a baby….
Mums. We aren’t likely to change. As you were! Share on.