This weekend, I was asked twice if JJ and I will be having another baby. A third.
Woah guys, back off my vagina!
She is still in recovery after Harry the Huge! My boobs are wrecked, my greys have multiplied, my face has crinkled, my caffeine intake has quadrupled and my energy levels are about as low as my bank balance. In less than five years, I’ve earned my mummy stripes right? Will having a third make me more of a mum or something? Am I not mum-enough?
It’s widely accepted nowadays that you SHOULDN’T ask young couples when / if they are going to have a baby. I’m seeing childless 30 something’s fly the flag for this across social media and I’m all for it. Don’t get me wrong, I am dying to know whether certain friends of mine will be joining the poo-filled madness, BUT I appreciate the sensitivities and variables behind this loaded questions, so I bite my lip. Hard.
HOWEVER, if you already have a child, people seem to assume it’s ok to ask – it just rolls off the tongue. Especially when you have two, as everyone knows you’re fertile right? So it must be a safe question.
There is NEVER a good time to ask that question. It’s like asking someone what they want for dinner whilst they are eating breakfast! You don’t want to think about dinner right now. Let me just enjoy my god damn breakfast!
I’m not saying it’s a no, but right now, we’re set thanks. We’re happy. A nice even, exhausting number. In truth, we are still adjusting going from one to two. Physically. Emotionally. Financially. My husband and I haven’t even really surfaced from this double act to discuss a third, so if we don’t know, I’m sure as hell not about to commit to three if other people ask!
I think some people ask out of their own wonderings. Maybe they are contemplating the two-to-three jump and want some kind of validation that they’re not crazy? I think some people must assume child birth is addictive like tattoos or something. I think some people don’t know what else to talk to me about other than children, so splurt it out in general conversation.
The bottom line: Motherhood is NOT defined, measured or earned by numbers.
Friends, family, strangers – stop with the questioning. Stop pressurising my ovaries. Stop putting me on a time schedule. Why do you need to know? Que sera sera and all that jazz…..
How about you just ask me how my kids are doing? How I am doing? Ask me if I need a babysitter one night. Ask me if I need another glass of wine.